The ₦20,000 She Says Was a Gift and You Say Was an Advance

The arrangement was never written down, and everybody thinks they remember it

Most Nigerian households run this the same way. She came through a relative, or a woman at church, or an agency somebody recommended. There was a conversation in the parlour. A figure was mentioned. Feeding was assumed — by one of you. Sunday was assumed to be free — by the other one. Nobody wrote anything, because writing it down felt cold, and because everybody was on their best behaviour that afternoon. Then the year does what years do. A second child arrives and the duties quietly expand. School runs get added and nobody renegotiates. She travels for a burial and you are not sure whether those six days are leave, unpaid, or a favour. Sallah comes and she expects something; you were not aware that was part of it. Advances happen — three, or four, depending on whose count you trust. And then one Tuesday she says she is leaving. Not next month. Today, after lunch. And you discover that "notice" is a word with no meaning at all when nothing was ever written. You cannot hold her. You are not sure what you owe. She is not sure what she is owed. Keys are somewhere. The advances are a number you two will never agree on again. What you tried already: you asked in a WhatsApp group and got seven different opinions. You downloaded a free "employment contract template" written for an office in Lagos with a HR department, and it had nothing on feeding, nothing on accommodation, nothing on Sallah, nothing on the woman who has been in your kitchen since 2022. Or you asked a lawyer friend, who said "just put it in writing" — which is the advice, not the wording.

Not a description of what a clause should say. The clause.

This is 120 pages of the actual words you will sign, clause by clause, with blanks where your household's specifics go. Before each clause, there is the decision you have to make before you can fill the blank. You cannot write the compensation clause until you have decided whether feeding sits inside or outside the cash figure — so that decision is laid out first, both ways, with what each way means at month-end and what each way means the day she travels. Then the wording. Then how to fill it. The same for hours and rest days. For public holidays, and what Sallah and Christmas actually mean in your household — days, money, or both, stated in the document instead of guessed at every year. For leave. For advances. For notice on both sides, which is the chapter most households read too late. By Sunday evening you have a document. Signed, dated, one copy each, with a guarantor and next-of-kin record attached and a ledger on the fridge.

What you get

• The House Help Agreement — 120-page guide with the full clause wording (₦30,000) — The complete fill-in-the-blank agreement in the exact words you will sign: what the cash figure covers, feeding and accommodation inside or outside it, duties listed plainly, hours, rest days, Sallah and Christmas, leave, advances, notice both ways. Each clause preceded by the decision you must make before you can fill the blank.
• The Advances Ledger (₦8,000) — A printable running log for advances, repayments and days off taken, with the month-end reconciliation format. This is the single page that ends the four-advances-versus-two argument, because both of you initialled each line on the day the money left your hand.
• Vetting and Guarantor Record (₦9,000) — The guarantor and next-of-kin form, plus which identity and age documents to sight and copy before anyone signs, and how to record that you sighted them. Covers church and relative referrals — where nobody thinks to ask — as well as agency placements, where you should still hold your own copy.
• Agree Now How This Ends (₦9,000) — The exit chapter: notice on both sides, final pay and outstanding advances at separation, return of keys and phone, and the written release both parties sign on the last day. Written while there is no bad feeling, because that is the only time anyone will agree to it.
• BONUS — The Sit-Down Script (₦7,000) — Word-for-word openings for saying "I want us to write this down" to a woman who has been in your kitchen since 2022 without her hearing "madam no longer trusts me." Separate versions for the long-serving helper, the relative's referral and the agency placement — plus what to do if she refuses to sign, and what that refusal actually tells you.
• BONUS — The Line: what goes to the police or NAPTIP instead (₦6,000) — A short, blunt chapter naming the situations this document has no business touching — a helper under 18, restricted movement, a withheld phone or documents, an arrangement someone was paid to place her into, theft, violence in either direction — and who to contact in each case. Read this before you draft, not after.
• BONUS — Keep It Alive: annual review and duty-change addendum (₦5,000) — A one-page format for recording a change in duties or pay against the original agreement, with a review date prompt, so the document still matches reality in year two instead of becoming a museum piece when the second baby arrives.

Includes 3 bonus items.

Questions you’re probably asking

How do I know this is not another PDF that turns out to be twelve pages of common sense?

Read part of it before you pay. The full table of contents is published on this page, and so is one complete clause — the compensation clause, including the feeding-and-accommodation wording — in the same words that appear in the book. If that clause is not the standard of writing you want in your household, do not buy the rest. That is a better check than any promise I could make in a sentence.

Is a document I typed myself even worth anything? I am not a lawyer.

This is not legal advice and it is not filed anywhere. What a signed, dated agreement does is remove ambiguity between two people about what was agreed — the pay figure, what it covers, the days off, the advances. That is the thing that actually causes the month-end arguments. If your situation involves a dispute that has already gone past conversation, take the document to a lawyer; the fact that something is written and dated gives them far more to work with than two memories.

She has worked with me for three years. Bringing paper now will insult her.

That is the real obstacle, and it is why there is a whole bonus chapter on the conversation rather than the document. The framing that works is not "I need to protect myself" — it is "I want your Sallah, your leave and your notice to stop depending on my mood." A written agreement protects her more than it protects you, and the script says it in those words. It also covers what to do if she still refuses, and what refusing tells you.

Will this stop her from leaving suddenly, or from taking things?

No. Nothing written on a page makes anybody stay, work harder, or behave better. What the exit chapter does is settle — in advance, while everyone is calm — what notice means on both sides, what happens to outstanding advances on the final day, and who signs what when keys are returned. It changes the argument from an open question into a document you both already agreed to.

Can it get back the money I already advanced her with no record?

No. If there is no record and no signature, this book cannot manufacture one. What it can do is make sure the next twelve months of advances are recorded and initialled by both of you. Start the ledger from today's date, not from what you think you are owed since last year.

My arrangement has already collapsed — she left last week and we are fighting.

Then this is the wrong product for right now. It is written to be signed while things are still good, which is the only time anyone agrees to terms. If money or property is in dispute, you need a lawyer or the police, not a template. Buy this before the next hire, not during this fight.